I have the willpower of a bee during pollen season. I want desperately to lose weight. I want to be active, I want to improve my health. I walked to Walmart on my lunch hour which was a great walk; about 20 minutes round trip. I went to purchase some breast pads (yes, I still breastfeed, no I don’t plan to stop until he is about 24 months, yes I love doing it because I couldn’t with my first and it keeps his weight up).

I was only supposed to buy that ONE thing. Damn you chocolate bars by the cash! Damn you insignificant willpower! I bought an Aero bar. It was so good. It was not worth it. My stomach has had horrible heartburn lately. I try to ignore it, but that’s just stupid.

I need to figure out a way to stifle my cravings, kick my ass into active gear, stem the fatigue, and make the brain fog dissipate. Any ideas? What makes you stick to what you need? At 41, I have still not figured it out. That makes me sad and discouraged.

What are my excuses? Why do I fall time and again into impulse buying for cravings? Where is my willpower?

I’m afraid that I am forever doomed to be fat. That’s what I am. I am fat. I used to be tiny. I used to be very active, very strong (a friend used to call me Xena). I want to train myself to be strong and flexible again. The number on the scale is NOT what matters – it’s my physical self that does.

Queen – Fat Bottom Girls: