“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde (Source: Goodreads).

So true, Oscar Wilde, so true. Problem is, many people (myself included) feel the need to reflect those around them in order to fit in. I fail at it miserably, and that’s a good thing. I’ve tried over the years to fit in, be one of the crowd, but I always feel like I’m on the outside looking in.

It used to bother me a lot. Maybe it was because I was bullied so much when I was younger that in my youth I was desperate to not stand out. Maybe. I was painfully shy for a long time, still introverted but now I talk too much to make up for it.

Now, I’m embrace my differentness. I hold it up like a shield to protect myself, and yet…I still wear a mask of sameness around those who don’t really know me. Why? Why do I feel a need to maintain that status quo and not just exude the life force within me?

I need to let go. I need to just let it all go and be who I truly am. I’ve got my hair back to it’s natural colour, but I think that is a statement of my neutrality on my own being. I love seeing the vivid colours people use now. I want to do that. Am I too old? Is it childish? I’m 41, I’ve wanted to do wild colours with my hair since I was a teen. It’s a desire that has never faded. But I work at a government office. I think walking in with baby blue hair with dark purple streaks may be frowned upon.

…some day…

Ellie Goulding – Dead in the Water