Bullet with Butterfly Wings


“If the butterfly wings its way to the sweet light that attracts it, it’s only because it doesn’t know that the fire can consume it.” ― Giordano Bruno

Follow your passion is a line we hear all the time. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could all follow our passions? This drive towards passions has left many of us feeling bereft, useless, unfulfilled.

My passion, in my youth, was caring for animals and history, well, archaeology to be exact.

I have always had pets in my life. Currently, I have two cats, a dog, a bearded dragon, a budgie, a parrotlet, an Indian ringneck parakeet, a hamster, a 125 gallons aquarium and two smaller aquariums. Passion one met, in a way. I had wanted to be a veterinarian, but around the age of 11 I found out that vets had to euthanize animals…that dream came crashing down instantly.

I went to university and pursued my love of ancient history and archaeology. I even managed to get two degrees (BAs) in those subjects. Then I got married. My dream fell to the wayside. I kept telling myself – I could always return to school and get my master’s eventually. That never happened. Instead, real life happened. Children, bills, mortgages, divorce, remarriage, another child. I’m not an outgoing or assertive person. I have horrible anxiety. So, when someone tells me – oh you should talk to so-and-so about working in your field of story. I don’t do it. I feel too awkward and anxious to ask.

I have yet to find a career that I find fulfilling or that lights my passions. We need to stop lighting that fire that burns up the lives of so many. Yes, encourage people to follow their dreams, but also make sure to add in realistic expectations.

This is something I have struggled with. It drives my depression. I do my best to encourage my children to do what makes them happy. I think that is the key. There is nothing wrong with being happy, even if it isn’t in your dream job or career. We put so much emphasis on chasing dreams that we forget that sometimes dreams are just that.

I’ve heard money doesn’t make you happy. All I can say is that whomever said that, never had to struggle with bills or feed a family. They never had people judge them for being a have-not. They never felt overwhelmed by feelings of failure. No, money would not solve everything, but, damn, would it ever make life a bit easier if you didn’t have to worry about that mortgage.

I drive to work every morning in a line of traffic of people all doing the same. I sit in my office, working; a worker ant filling the coffers of the rich. I drive home in a line of traffic of people all doing the same. Day in, day out. Some days I just wonder what is it all for. I’m not working my passion. I’m happy-ish. I support my family, I take care of everything.

The world has drained my spirit, and I’ve become too tired of soul to argue anymore.

The Smashing Pumpkins – Bullet with Butterfly Wings

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