“Bill & Ted 3: Face the Music Announcement”

I’m so stoked for this, it deserves it’s own post. If you haven’t watched the Bill and Ted movies before DO IT NOW! Only wish George Carlin was around to reprise his role as Rufus.

EXCELLENT!

Bill and Ted 3: Face the Music coming August 21, 2020.

Posted in Geekery & Games | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Edie

“i have laughed
more than daffodils
and cried more than June.”
― Sanober Khan

Sometimes it only takes one word for a bittersweet rush of memories to flood in.

I’ve been listening to Edie (Ciao Baby) on repeat all morning. I get obsessed with a song from time to time. A friend has a cat named Edie. I hear her name and instantly this song comes to mind.

Along with the song comes a flood of memories…teen to young adult memories. Driving in the summer with friends to the beach. The sun glittering off the water blinding me. The smell of the woodlands. The evanescent sense of embracing a love.

Memories of concerts loud, booming, throbbing with bodies moving in time. Closeness as that first kiss is on the verge of becoming true.

Memories of driving too fast. The rush of adrenaline from tipping it a little too far. The carefree roaming through a fairground, friends surrounding me.

Memories of lost ones, their voices still an echo in my mind. The feeling of the wind rushing past my waist-length hair out a car window. The spinning of the world, watching the stars in a swirl of light and bliss (usually alcohol driven at the time).

Memories of laughter, pleasure, naivety, innocence, pure unadulterated joy. The awfulness of hurt washed away in a flood of being.

Memories of times so wistful they have a dream-like iridescence about them.

Where has that young woman gone? Quiet rebellion, dancing with every song, moving amongst the throng of bodies; the music so loud our ears would ring and we did not care. We hugged, we laughed, we danced, we drank too much, we were.

Where has that sense of endless being gone? The tears fall freely, the sense of longing and loss are bitter pills to swallow. I’ve dreamt of recapturing that essence, but how?

The dogs lay at your feet, Edie
Oh, we caressed your cheek
Oh, stars wrapped in your hair
Oh, life without a care
Ciao baby

The Cult – Edie (Ciao Baby)

Posted in The Journey | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Epic

“Why melt your life away in mourning? Why let grief eat you alive?” ― Sophocles

I had a whole post written about recent deaths my family has experienced and I realized that I wanted to celebrate life and not focus on death.

People get so wrapped up in the lives of others that we forget that WE have a life to live. Stop wasting it worrying about what your neighbour is doing in their home and focus on what you can do in yours.

Go outside, breath in that air – ok, it’s cold as fuck right now so maybe wait for a warmer day, unless you live where it’s warm than go for it.

Walk barefoot in the grass and remember that simple joy of just being when you were a kid.

Feel the glint of the sun as it dances across your eyes and feel grateful for that simple gift.

Remember to tell the ones you care about, that you do care. Don’t hide it away.

I feel like a gawddamn Hallmark card right now, but we’ve had blow after blow this past while and I just want to feel joy. Contentment. I don’t expect an epic life, but I do want a happy life. I don’t expect to be well known, but I do want those I love to remember me in happiness.

We seem to be getting told on a regular basis that unless you’re doing or having all these ‘things’ that you can’t have a meaningful happy life. Bullshit. Even the most flitting of lives have joy and meaning. Even when meaning seems lost, it’s still there. Don’t waste it by focusing on the shitty. There’s enough crap in our lives daily; if all you did was focus on the shit depression will win. I know that. It’s taken me 45 years to realize it, and it will take longer to get my brain to stop, but I get it.

K, I’m off to polish up on my sunshine and rainbows…they’ve gone a little dark over the years and need to be cleaned up.

Faith No More – Epic

Posted in The Journey | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Baby Got Back

“Pasta doesn’t make you fat. How much pasta you eat makes you fat.” – Giada De Laurentiis

I’ve got back…LOTS and lots of back. Too much really. I won’t give my measurements, but my BMI is 41.3. Yes, that is morbidly obese.

I’ve also got hope. LOTS and lots of hope.

Yes, I have tried pretty damn near every diet, plan, scam, etc out there. I’ve tried Slim Fast, I’ve tried It Works! (it doesn’t). I’ve tried being vegan, I’ve tried cutting back, keto, Atkins, exercise plans…oh my, I could go on and on. I won’t.

What I haven’t tried – surgery. I met the bariatric team on Friday and I have so much hope. I hope I qualify, I hope I can do this! No, I KNOW I can do this. I can learn to love loose skin, what I can’t learn to do is feel aches and pains and heavy breathing from activities others take for granted. Feeling weak and breathless after going up a flight of stairs to another floor is NOT ok. Even with MS, it isn’t. Painful knees and hips when walking is NOT ok. A back that tightens up from simple walking.

Struggling with self-image and being unable to keep up with my children is not ok. I want to swim with them, run with them, play with them. I want to hike with them. I want to garden and enjoy it as much physically as I do mentally.

I have hope. My backside will probably always be big, but it doesn’t need to be morbidly so. I’ll always have certain aches and pains from MS, but it doesn’t need to be from being fat.

Sir Mix A Lot – Baby Got Back

Posted in The Journey | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Exhausted

“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning do to do afterward.” ― Kurt Vonnegut

I love to laugh.

Lately my MS has reared it’s ugly head and pain radiates in various areas of my body. I’m exhausted mentally, physically…emotionally.

I’m exhausted from worrying about how my children are. How can I not be a burden to them?

I’m exhausted from worrying about my husband. He has Parkinson’s, I don’t want to make him worse.

I’m exhausted from forcing myself day in and day out to sit at a desk. I HAVE to be the bread winner. I’m the only one able to work full-time.

I’m exhausted from fighting for help for my son. He’s 17; we adopted him young, but it didn’t protect him from the in-utero alcohol and drug use. Now he’s paying the price for someone else’s folly.

I’m exhausted from fighting for my daughter. She’s almost 19; she’s fought through so much emotional trauma. She’s finally conquered high school and on her way to college.

I’m exhausted from worrying about my youngest son. He’s 5; he starts this school this year and I wish with all I am that I could wrap him in a warm blanket of hugs and hold him tight to me away from the upcoming onslaught of expectations and rigidity.

I’m exhausted from trying to maintain our house. Selling it has been both the worse and best thing for us…if only it would sell…

On Friday, I meet a bariatric team in hopes of getting a much needed surgery to help me in my health journey. I have no fear in this, only hope. Hope that all this exhaustion will be worth it. Hope that I will once again find some health and joy.

Hope that I will laugh without pain and not in spite of pain. Hope that I will no longer feel so exhausted.

Foo Fighters – Exhausted

Posted in The Journey | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment