“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” Mark Twain

It’s funny how people feel about medication.

I, for a long time, hated it. I wanted to be completely medication free. Being asthmatic with bad allergies but an end to that. Having MS didn’t help.

I’ve had to swallow that pill (I’m bad at puns) and take it in.

The new medication combination I am on has worked wonders. I have ENERGY. I can focus, I feel – normal? Is that really a thing? Do normal people really have no negative thoughts or constant streams of thoughts circling through their mind telling them all the bad stuff they have done over and over and over?

I’m being re-educated in a sense. I’m learning that it’s OK if you need medication – for health and mental health. I’m technically on two ADHD meds. The one helps me stay awake during the day (yay!), but it increased my anxiety (boo!). The second brought down my anxiety (YAY!) AND helps me focus too (YAY!).

I don’t remember the last time I felt this good.

I’m calmer, too.

I think I like this education in my health, so long as it doesn’t turn me into a sheep…or brick in the wall…

Pink Floyd – Another Brick in the Wall


“numbed brain a few seconds to process the information.” G.M. Ford, Threshold

My head is numb. My face is going numb. My arms are cold numbness. The numbness of exhaustion is taking hold. I need sleep. I can’t think. My emotions have been a rollercoaster that I want to get off of.

Apparently adult ADHD can emotionally cause a person to seem bipolar but not. The extremes aren’t as extreme, but there are there. My doctor believes my ADHD in combination with my MS is causing the extremes of emotions I have been exhibiting.

I want off the rollercoaster.

I want clarity.

I want the numb to go away.

I’m having a root canal in a little over a week…pain is my daily. Pain and numbness. Pain in my tooth, my jaw, my ankles…my body. Numbness everywhere else.

Someday I’ll be young again.

“Awakening of a Dream” Ambient Mix

Coming home…

“Schizoid behavior is a pretty common thing in children. It’s accepted, because all we adults have this unspoken agreement that children are lunatics.”  Stephen King

This made me laugh. If you knew my three children (yes even the baby) you would understand why.

My older two both have ADHD (yes, I know, many think it’s over-diagnosed, but it’s also hereditary and runs in my family and the birth family of my older son).

My daughter (15) was recently diagnosed – she had always showed signs, but did decently well until she entered high school. She struggled; it was painful to watch. I finally decided to have her assessed and no one was surprised by the result of ADHD; but we were surprised by the results of dyslexia, dysgraphia (writing), dyscalculia (math) and OCD and anxiety tendencies. She wanted to try the medication. It worked wonders for her even in her last week of school. She is now looking forward to next year. I’m so proud of her.

My older son (13) was diagnosed with ADHD, Tourette’s, dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, and an attachment disorder when he was 6 and in the midst of his second year of kindergarten. In hindsight, I would have kept him home that first year. He became my baby boy when he was 14 months old, having been neglected and abused as a baby. His birth family is related to my ex husband (daughter’s father), so if you notice that some of their issues are similar – there is a genetic reason. By blood, my older two would be considered first cousins once removed. I won’t go into great detail who the birth family is, we’ll leave it at that.

My son did amazingly on medication. He regularly sees a speech therapist every month who helps him with speech and behavior issues he has had. He has had a huge struggle through the years, and an amazing group of teachers and literacy leads who have helped him succeed. He just completed grade 7 with an award for best all around achievement out of ALL the grade 7’s in the school! I couldn’t be prouder to see how his academic accommodations and his hard work have paid off. He makes TOP grades and his behavior went from being very physical to STOPPING a fight and telling and adult what happened (can you tell I’m super proud? Rightly so, he has made leaps in this). In a nutshell, he still struggles, but medication and behavior help has made him succeed.

My youngest son (now 17 months!) is walking…and by walking, I mean wants to climb stairs (constantly – he LOVES stairs), climb furniture, get into every imaginable crevice and nook (LOL). He is beginning to speak, sometimes it’s freaky how clear his words are (remember he’s only 17 months old…it’s seriously freaky, even the sitter said so). He has a mind of his own and is NOT afraid to tell you off in his way – he may be tiny (weighing only a bit over 17 lbs!) BUT he is MIGHTY. We’ve stressed and worried over him (chronic ear infections and lack of weight gain), but he is turning out to be a strong, happy (and I stress happy) boy who fills ALL of us with love. He is finally beginning to eat more and finally gaining weight (YAY! let’s face it though, genetically speaking, he’s going to be tiny). I can’t wait to see how he grows!

Why have I gone and described my children’s issues and joys? Because I love them, and I want to share. Because I think it’s important that even if something is considered ‘over-diagnosed’ that sometimes that diagnosis IS REAL. Because my kids are my world, and many times they take over my world.

Mostly, though, it’s because my older two have been at their dad’s for a long visit and I am picking them up this evening and I can’t FREAKING WAIT! I want to go NOW! I love my kids. I know baby boy will be SOOOOO excited to see them. I know the older two will be so excited to see him too.

We’re all a little insane, but that’s ok, too.

They are coming home.

I can’t wait to get them home.

Ozzy is one of my favourite artist and this song is highly ranked in my list of favourite songs (well, if I had a list).

Ozzy Osborne – Mama I’m Coming Home

Not sure…

“Dripping water hollows out stone, not through force but through persistence.” Ovid

What a great analogy to weight loss.

My mood has already started to get better. I’m still feeling burnt out, but I am far more positive than I was a week ago and I no longer feel on the verge of tears. This is good. I’m in a bit of a weird mood too…that’s good too.

I can’t wait to lose my first 10 lbs. Is that weird? I have a long way to go. I but on My Fitness Pal that my goal weight is 100 lbs (before anyone freaks, I’m only 5’1″ – barely). I would be happy if I could reach 130 – 120 lbs. BUT – and this is most important – I want to be healthier. The number on the scale will not matter if I don’t have pain reduction and increased energy. Those are my goals and the only way to do that is through healthy eating and increased exercise. I’m working on both of those.

I think my increased mood is also do to an awesome day yesterday. Both of my teens have ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia, and dyscalculia (for those unfamiliar with the terms – the last two are the writing and math versions of the learning disability). My teen son (13 years old) got an award yesterday for the most all around achievement and improvement out of ALL the grade 7s at his school!!! My daughter (15 years old) found out from her Science teacher that she passed – WOOT! AND my baby boy (almost 17 months) is FINALLY over 17 lbs! 17.1 lbs to be precise – this is huge as we have been struggling to get him to gain weight. He now gets to wait a whole month before having to be weighed again.

I can’t explain enough what a weight was lifted from my shoulders when I heard all of those things yesterday. Each one is huge for my kids individually. To be fair to my toddler – my hubby is only 5’7″, my parents are both short, my dad’s mom was only 4’10”. Needless to say I am pretty sure my toddler will not be a giant. I’m happy that the pediatrician and nutritionist have been monitoring him (he had a heart murmur and breathing issues at birth, but both have self-corrected), but it’s been very stressful.

Random thought of the day – I really want to dye my hair funky colours once I lose the weight. Also – some politicians really need to realize that not all their constituents are sheeple…not all agree with policy, in fact some believe that the church as zero space in the state’s business…that’s another story.

This song makes me smile whenever I hear it or watch the video –

Psy – Gangnam Style