Dream On a.k.a It’s 2017, Let’s do this

“Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” ― Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist    

“Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.” ― Edgar Allan Poe, Eleonora

I couldn’t pick which quote I wanted more today. They are both so apropos.

I dream big. I fear big. This causes an unending stream of anxiety and depression with massive ups, and terrible downs.

I love to create. I love knitting, reading, crafting, writing. My body, though, hates me. My wrist cause painful numbness in my hands (carpal tunnel), my back and neck crick and crack (osteoarthritis in my upper spine), my hips bemoan me (bursitis, sciatica – I fell down some stairs almost two years ago and still have not healed). My knees snap and crackle with derision (possibly arthritic), my feet prickle and groan when I walk (plantar fasciitis), and the mind grows exhausted; ever fighting the good fight (Multiple sclerosis).

I still dream big. I dream of being so healthy that not even my kids can keep up. I dream of hiking again in the woods, following what ever deer trail presents itself. I dream of creating creatures from clay, writing my ever more distant novel, completing a tome of poetry. I dream of recording myself reading to my youngest, singing lullabies, rocking it out at a concert without needing a seat close by.

I dream of being free of anxiety and fear. Confident in every stride I take, every word I write, every thought spoken.

I dream that this year I will finally find a way to make it all happen. That the pain, fear, anxiety, exhaustion will all fall away with the spring rains, and never return.

A woman can dream, right?

Aerosmith – Dream On

Explosions in the mind

“The geologist takes up the history of the earth at the point where the archaeologist leaves it, and carries it further back into remote antiquity.” Bal Gangadhar Tilak, The Arctic Home in the Vedas

I had a wicked dream last night. Wicked here means good.

I have two degrees (yes, two BAs, don’t ask). My first degree is in Anthropology and Classical studies (Double majored, was one 1 year credit from a minor in Russian studies {still burns me}). My second is in Archaeology. I presently work with Geologists.

Deep breath.

They are living proof that I could do what I dreamt of.

Last night I dreamt that I went and got my masters and ROCKED IT. Not only did I rock it, but then I managed to find work in my field here at home – which is quite literally impossible at this time (small, poor province).

I woke up feel excited, possibly even exhilarated. It’s crazy. I know that financially I can’t make it happen. But it was an amazing dream. I was respected in the field (and by field, I literally in the field – digging, I don’t care so much for accolades). People talked to me about it. It was just amazing.

My mind exploded for a while.

Then I woke up.

At least I’m feeling better.

Ellie Goulding – Explosions


“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (Source: Goodreads)

I want to find my power. That’s probably a bit of an odd thing to say. Let me clarify.

I believe that every single person has power. Some never find it, others let it consume them, others still wield it as a master swordsman wields a blade, others know it is there but allow it to wither and die.

Everyone’s power is different. Unique to them, to their needs, wants, and desires. An actor has power in their trade – their voice, the way they move. A humanitarian has power in their act and the respect they earn in kind. I think you get my point.

I wonder than – what is my power? I honestly do not know and wonder if I am amount those who will never find it. My dreams are large, my capability to see them to fruition is limited to non-existent (at this point in time). I keep telling myself that it will come…but it doesn’t. The older I get the less likely I see it happening.

I’m not upset about this, just a little sad. I’m still not giving up though – maybe that’s where my power lies – in hope.

Snap – I’ve Got The Power

What Dreams may come…

“Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist (Source: Goodreads).

I had a very bizarre dream last night.

First a bit of background. I have been sick a LOT in the last few months. I started decluttering our library/computer room just before getting super sick. I now have a pile of stuff to sort through in my kitchen and a smaller pile in the library/computer room. No one else can apparently do this chore save I. It has been weighing on me and now my in-laws are due to visit THIS weekend.

Back to the dream.

North Korea was invading. No one actually said it was North Korea, I just knew (weird). I was in a huge panic to move ALL our stuff in the house to my parents house because we were being evacuated and had about 48 hours to get out before we were in danger. We had so much stuff…I kept saying “how will we get it ALL OUT!”; ” We don’t have enough BOXES OR BAGS!”; “The china will BREAK!” – note: I own no china. From the pattern, it was my mother’s china. Actually, a lot of the furniture was my parents – their hutch, dinning room set, etc. Again – so bizarre.

Hubby took the kids to my parents place, and when he came back I was in full blown panic asking, “Where are the kids? Aren’t they going to help!”. He says, “You told me to take them to your parents house.” Oh, right. Then somehow we ended up in a house that we were buying – I’ve seen this house before, in a DIFFERENT dream. There is obvious something about it.

The house is old, turn of the 1900s Victorian type. It has a turret, many staircases, a creepy basement, open & airy rooms, etc. In my last dream about it the floors were rotting and we were almost falling through. In this dream, it looked like it had been renovated – all cleaned up, no more rotting floors and the sun was shining (the last dream was dark).

Then I woke up. So bizarre.

Needless to say, my night was LONG (the dream felt like it took ALL night). I’m now feeling completely exhausted. I saw the dawn before all others.

Today, I have to finish the painting I am doing for my mother (a woodland cottage type scene), and CLEAN. I really don’t want any more dreams like that.

Imagine Dragons – Dream

Today’s Motivation

“If you can dream it, you can do it.” – Walt Disney (source: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/w/waltdisney130027.html?src=t_motivational).

I’m dreaming of being able to create home made gifts for everyone for Christmas this year (yes, I am thinking WAY ahead, I have to). Painted, sewn, drawn, collaged, etc. I was once a very crafty person. It’s time to dust off the brushes and sewing machine (which is literally covered in dust from not being used) and get to it!

I’m dreaming it, I’m doing it…but first, I need more coffee.

Maroon 5 – Sugar: