Tag: Ellie Goulding

Explosions

On By NB GwenIn The JourneyLeave a comment

“Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me. After the explosion, I spend the rest of the day putting the pieces together.” ― Ray Bradbury, Zen in the Art of Writing

I feel like this every single day.

Will the landmine be in my mind, one of my children, my husband, my pets? What will the after shock be? Will I recover slow or quick?

I’m trying so hard to keep my energy going – but those bloody landmines keep getting in the way.

Kidney stone caused a late Monday trip to the hospital for me (oh joy), the Thursday before that my poor hubby was in agony from a horrible ear infection, now my youngest has an awful cold and is coughing all night, my eldest turns 17 next week and I have to figure out birthday plans, my middle child – he’s actually not doing bad. No landmines with him, well, except for the behavioural issues.

It’s almost 1 in the afternoon here and I have been ready for bed since I got up.

It’s also worth every waking moment.

I’ll take the landmines and the chaos they cause and use them to produce a life that is full and rich – full of love, laughter, tears, pain, joy, and a wealth in emotion and family. Don’t get me wrong, I would love a calmer existence, but that would be so much more boring.

Now to work on getting that exercise in and moving in the moment!

Ellie Goulding – Explosions

Explosions in the mind

On By NB GwenIn Geekery & Games, The JourneyLeave a comment

“The geologist takes up the history of the earth at the point where the archaeologist leaves it, and carries it further back into remote antiquity.” ― Bal Gangadhar Tilak, The Arctic Home in the Vedas

I had a wicked dream last night. Wicked here means good.

I have two degrees (yes, two BAs, don’t ask). My first degree is in Anthropology and Classical studies (Double majored, was one 1 year credit from a minor in Russian studies {still burns me}). My second is in Archaeology. I presently work with Geologists.

Deep breath.

They are living proof that I could do what I dreamt of.

Last night I dreamt that I went and got my masters and ROCKED IT. Not only did I rock it, but then I managed to find work in my field here at home – which is quite literally impossible at this time (small, poor province).

I woke up feel excited, possibly even exhilarated. It’s crazy. I know that financially I can’t make it happen. But it was an amazing dream. I was respected in the field (and by field, I literally in the field – digging, I don’t care so much for accolades). People talked to me about it. It was just amazing.

My mind exploded for a while.

Then I woke up.

At least I’m feeling better.

Ellie Goulding – Explosions

Explosions of the mind

On By NB GwenIn The JourneyLeave a comment

“Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me. After the explosion, I spend the rest of the day putting the pieces together.” ― Ray Bradbury, Zen in the Art of Writing (Source: Goodreads).

I have never heard it put so eloquently. What is it? It is the way I feel when I get out of bed. The mass of emotions, thoughts, dreams, fears, hopes, wishes, prayers, sensations – everything flooding in as I wipe the sleep from my eyes. A flood of everything in my life rushes in and I must parse it together and move on with my day.

Sometimes, it is too much and I find myself in a fog. Brain fog is common to MS and allergy sufferers. I find that my sleep and waking affect how bad it is. Stress makes it worse. Learning mindfulness would help. I’ve downloaded apps to try – ask me if I’ve used them. The answer would be – not yet. It’s funny how having children makes you focus on their wants and needs before your own. That is not always a healthy way to be. One needs to have time to decompress, especially after a rather bad day.

I’ve downloaded Stop, Breathe & Think, Calm, and Mindfullness. I’ve looked at their contents, they look good, I just need to set aside the time to use them. Time is such a funny, fickle thing. One moment can feel as though it fills a lifetime, the next moment a millisecond from the sense of implosion it passes so quickly.

Exploding in my mind
it passes through
pace by pace
a never ending
race
against the cloak of
everything
rushing
fleeing
pushing
feeling
thoughts into my mind
As I step onto the cold
of my floor
dreams that came
are
nevermore
lost in the span
of a breathe
in time
lost inside the
explosions of my
mind

Ellie Goulding – Explosions

Be Yourself

On By NB GwenIn The Journey1 Comment

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde (Source: Goodreads).

So true, Oscar Wilde, so true. Problem is, many people (myself included) feel the need to reflect those around them in order to fit in. I fail at it miserably, and that’s a good thing. I’ve tried over the years to fit in, be one of the crowd, but I always feel like I’m on the outside looking in.

It used to bother me a lot. Maybe it was because I was bullied so much when I was younger that in my youth I was desperate to not stand out. Maybe. I was painfully shy for a long time, still introverted but now I talk too much to make up for it.

Now, I’m embrace my differentness. I hold it up like a shield to protect myself, and yet…I still wear a mask of sameness around those who don’t really know me. Why? Why do I feel a need to maintain that status quo and not just exude the life force within me?

I need to let go. I need to just let it all go and be who I truly am. I’ve got my hair back to it’s natural colour, but I think that is a statement of my neutrality on my own being. I love seeing the vivid colours people use now. I want to do that. Am I too old? Is it childish? I’m 41, I’ve wanted to do wild colours with my hair since I was a teen. It’s a desire that has never faded. But I work at a government office. I think walking in with baby blue hair with dark purple streaks may be frowned upon.

…some day…

Ellie Goulding – Dead in the Water