“Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood.” ― George Orwell, 1984

Life is funny. The more you want something, the harder it seems to attain. Dream job, significant other, friends, family, emotional states of being. I hear so often how unfair and hard life is.

Yes. It’s hard. Sometimes it’s so hard that it can suck the very breath from your soul.

But you know what? Life is way more complex than to be filled with simplified statements. It’s existential at it’s best and shattering at it’s worse. It is uplifting, freeing, loving, being. It is hurtful, dreary, boring, deceiving.

Life is Janus. It is yin and yang. Light and dark and so, so many shades of grey (no, I am not referring to that book).

Wouldn’t it be grand if everything flowed smoothly? A gentle, easy river ride on a smooth, glass-topped river. A free sail with good winds. The trouble with smooth sailing is that it isn’t appreciated for what it is until you hit rough waters and wish that calm would return.

My life has been far from smooth sailing, but I wouldn’t trade it. Yes, I have many, many regrets. I know if I let some go, I would be happier, but I have yet to learn how to. My point though? When I am sitting in the midst of the calm of my life, I enjoy it all the more and am so grateful for it. I know how rough the waters can be. I love the calm, and try to prolong it for as long as I can.

It is everything I want.

Vertical Horizon – Everything You Want