Fly

“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

I have forgotten how to fly. I don’t doubt that I can; I have simply forgotten how. If you understand the difference, than you know exactly what I mean.

I’m so tired of being tired. This past week has been a whole world of nothing, followed by deep exhaustion and restless sleep. I’m not sure I can continue to blame the heat.

It’s funny – life, that is. Living in a fantasy world would be so much more freeing, wouldn’t it? A world where I can pretend everything is wonderful and all is shinny.

I can’t wait till I learn how to fly again and everything is wonderful…

Everclear – Wonderful

Magic

“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” Roald Dahl

Sometimes (read: often) I wish I could recapture the imagination and innocence of my youth. I believed. I believed in everything.

I remember writing a little book with my mother. I did the drawings and she wrote it out for me as I dictated it to her. I was too little to write yet, I can’t imagine how old I was; 4 maybe 5? It was about a dragon. I remember the picture of the dragon that I drew. I’m sure she must still have it at her house (my mother likes to hold on to things). I’ll have to see if I can find it.

Unicorns, dragons, faeries, pixies, good witches and wizards – they filled my youth with magic and wonder. Then I became a teenager and such things were no longer cool. I still read fairy tales and fantasy novels, but the magic was tarnishing. Painful memories over took my imagination and innocence.

For many of us, becoming an adult is akin to having a piece of you ripped out. So many times I’ve tried to recapture that feeling, those emotions. I was so happy. Even with the challenges I faced (bullied, low self-esteem, painfully introverted), I was cheerful, and watching something like The Last Unicorn would fill me with wonder and cause my imagination to run wild with dreams of seeing such fantastic things for real!

Now I feel more like Molly Grue (following quote is from The Last Unicorn movie as seen on IMDB):

Molly: No, it can’t be. Can it be? Where have you been? Where have you been? Damn you! Where have you been?
Schmendrick: Don’t you talk to her that way!
Unicorn: I’m here now.
Molly: And where were you twenty years ago? Ten years ago? Where were you when I was new? When I was one of those innocent young maidens you always come to? How dare you! How dare you come to me now, when I am this!
[Weeps]
Schmendrick: Can you really see her? Do you know what she is?
Molly: If you had been waiting to see a unicorn, as long as I have…
Schmendrick: She’s the last unicorn in the world.
Molly: It would be the last unicorn that came to Molly Grue. It’s all right, I forgive you.

Where have all the unicorns gone? Where is the magic?

America – The Last Unicorn