Tag: fears

Grace Kelly

On By NB GwenIn The JourneyLeave a comment

“Do one thing every day that scares you.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

I’ve been doing a lot of introspective thinking about myself. Why I have anxiety, why I have depression, why is life a constant battle for me?

Fear.

We all have the power to do what we need to do in our lives. We have choices. I often hear that we are the only ones responsible for the choices we make. This is truth.

I often have allowed fear to rule my choices. I’ve allowed fear to control me, instead of me controlling fear.

Fear of succeeding, fear of being a burden, fear of letting everyone down (how could I possibly satisfy everyone?), fear of pain, fear of conquering, fear of pretty much everything.

It’s ridiculous, and taxing. It’s stressful and anxiety producing. It is self-defeatist. There is no one in the world that everyone likes. There is no one in the world that has never let someone down.

I WANT to be fit. I WANT to be active. I WANT to feel good and be healthy. Anything after those would be icing on the cake.

Mike – Grace Kelly

Someday

On By NB GwenIn The JourneyLeave a comment

The longest day of the year. The time when the sun hangs in the sky as a beacon calling to life. The days get shorter here on out. A heralding of summer days, full of adventure just waiting to be found.

I decided to sign up with the Geocaching website and give it a go with my kids (http://www.geocaching.com/). Our first foray a few weeks ago was a failure and I know why – I didn’t take a compass. I know, it’s a simple thing. The Geocaching app even has one! But I was useless without a true hand held compass. I guess I could use the missing compass as a sort of metaphor for my life – a lack of direction, leaving myself and my family stumbling about looking for our true happiness. That’s what it is about after all, happiness.

I strive every day to make my children’s lives as happy as can be and yet wallow in my regrets and failures both as an individual and a parent. They are my issues that I need to address and face. It’s hard to look at yourself in the mirror and face those regrets. Dreams lost, but never forgotten. Always saying ‘someday’. Someday will never come and I need to realize that. I either face my challenges and live for my dreams or I accept that it will not come.

Losing weight, living a more active/healthy lifestyle, travelling, doing archaeology, working my dream job – they are all attainable and yet they are not. I am my own worse enemy and my greatest defender. I can create a thousand excuses and fears for as to why I do not simply live my life as I want to live it. I say every day how I want my children to be strong and live their dreams, but fail to do so myself.

Someday I’ll figure it out. Someday when the sun is high, and the clouds have faded away…someday.