Let downs and pick me ups

“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!” ― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Yesterday, I was supposed to pick up my girlie and my boy…only my boy came home. My girlie decided to stay a few more days with her dad. I keep telling myself that this is ok. I have never, and to date have never told them they couldn’t go or couldn’t stay. I did last night though.

I miss my girlie. I want her home. BUT I also feel extremely selfish feeling like this. I actually sobbed when I was alone with the baby in the car. My chest hurt. I was so wounded by her telling me this. I need to let it go. She’s 15, he’s not well, it’s OK. I’m so used to them being home. She stayed and will be there until Sunday.

That was the let down.

The pick me ups – all the songs I have been listening to all day long. I popped on my ear buds and have been working listening to mostly happy tunes. Music is like magic, it works so well on me.

Now it’s time to work on my dreams, and see where they lead me.

Katy Perry – Dark Horse Ft. Juicy J.

Explosions of the mind

“Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me. After the explosion, I spend the rest of the day putting the pieces together.” Ray Bradbury, Zen in the Art of Writing (Source: Goodreads).

I have never heard it put so eloquently. What is it? It is the way I feel when I get out of bed. The mass of emotions, thoughts, dreams, fears, hopes, wishes, prayers, sensations – everything flooding in as I wipe the sleep from my eyes. A flood of everything in my life rushes in and I must parse it together and move on with my day.

Sometimes, it is too much and I find myself in a fog. Brain fog is common to MS and allergy sufferers. I find that my sleep and waking affect how bad it is. Stress makes it worse. Learning mindfulness would help. I’ve downloaded apps to try – ask me if I’ve used them. The answer would be – not yet. It’s funny how having children makes you focus on their wants and needs before your own. That is not always a healthy way to be. One needs to have time to decompress, especially after a rather bad day.

I’ve downloaded Stop, Breathe & Think, Calm, and Mindfullness. I’ve looked at their contents, they look good, I just need to set aside the time to use them. Time is such a funny, fickle thing. One moment can feel as though it fills a lifetime, the next moment a millisecond from the sense of implosion it passes so quickly.

Exploding in my mind
it passes through
pace by pace
a never ending
against the cloak of
thoughts into my mind
As I step onto the cold
of my floor
dreams that came
lost in the span
of a breathe
in time
lost inside the
explosions of my

Ellie Goulding – Explosions