Woah…

I never knew this existed till today. Marilyn Manson AND Johnny Depp singing You’re So Vain…LOVE IT

My day just got better…

I know a few people this song applies to.

They carry themselves off on higher planes,

They think.

Their so above themselves

clouds struggle to contain them.

Framing thoughts in their mind

are nothing but mirrors

upon mirrors on themselves.

So vain.

A new adventure

“Live, travel, adventure, bless, and don’t be sorry.” Jack Kerouac (Source: Goodreads, of course)

I’m starting my own new adventure and I LOVE IT. I mentioned yesterday, or was it last week…hmmm…anyways – I mentioned previously that I had signed up for singing lessons. What a great decision! I went for the first time today. In my initial vocal practice I only achieved 2 octaves in range, not bad but I’m sure I could do better. My nerves got the better of me.

I have social anxiety. I suffer from panic attacks when having to speak publicly unless it’s in certain situations. For instance – I can speak to a group of children about animal welfare and in fact have on behalf of my local SPCA (where I have volunteered and still do off and on). I can read aloud to a group of children. I can address a group of adults during social gathering. I cannot handle public speaking in order to present something to a group of adults. I get a sort of tunnel vision and forget things and even though I appear calm and collected and project well, I am crumbling inside.

Needless to say, singing in front of a stranger is panic inducing. BUT I DID IT! I’m so proud of myself. Also – he had me watch myself in the mirror to see how closed I was and how I needed to open up (my mouth, that is). Having to look at myself in the mirror for longer than absolutely needed is unknown for me. I am loath to see myself.

Singing lesson are going to have many benefits for me…I foresee a break from my addiction to food (yes, I really do believe now that I am addicted to food – more on that later). Having to stare at myself singing, I was so self-conscious. So self-aware. If I am to practice that way than I am to lose weight. There is no other way.

It’s time for a break from food, bad food that is.

I also see it helping with my anxiety as I HAVE to get over my fear of singing in front of strangers. My children and husband hear me ALL the time, it’s time others do as well (in small numbers).

With losing weight and a lessening of anxiety, comes more self-esteem, decreased stress, and increased energy.

I am so hopeful for this new adventure.

The only ones who know now are a couple of close friends, my husband, and – well – anyone who actually reads this LOL….I’m thinking not many.

YAY to optimism!

Time for some music…I love this version of Tainted Love…it doesn’t fit in with this post, but I don’t care – it’s just random.

Marilyn Manson – Tainted Love