Tag: Mood

Hooked on a Feeling

On By NB GwenIn The JourneyLeave a comment

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

As I age, I learn. I’ve learned that even though people think I’m a people person, I’m really not. I’ve always been an introvert. There was a time, I was so introverted, I couldn’t even lift my eyes and say hello to people. I was terrified!

As I age, I have learned that not everyone will like me, no matter what I do. This is big! It used to give me panic attacks if I knew someone didn’t like me. I needed to understand why.

I’ve learned that music impacts me deeply. I can be happy and instantly become depressed if I listen to the wrong song. I can be low and brought up in mood just by listening to the right song. It’s not always the same music, so I don’t always know what will hit me (though there are some I know exactly what they will do to me).

I’ve learned that I can’t be everything to everyone. This was a hard one emotionally. I was once a very active person, in every sense of the word. I volunteered, I worked overtime, I had my kids in everything reasonable, I stayed up late, I did it all. I hit the wall hard and everything came down in a landslide. Being diagnosed with a chronic illness will do that (MS in my case, along with others). I haven’t volunteered in so long, I work my hours (gratefully), but no more. I wish I could do more with my kids. I’m in bed by 7:30 pm or I don’t function the next day at all. It’s been over a decade and that was on of the hardest things to realize.

You always hear the tune of ‘just follow your dreams and life will be great’. I offer up the alternative – do what makes you smile, but remember, you are human. Not everyone can climb Mount Everest. Not everyone can travel the world. Not everyone can reach the outer reaches of our oceans. Not everyone can board a ship to outer space. It’s OK if your life is what it is. I struggle with this one. A lot. I dreamed of being an archaeologist. I did two BAs to accomplish that end, but then I got married. He was not kind and my dreams were dashed on the rocks. I created new life (literally), and began seeing my life differently. I have children I love, I have a yard I love puttering in. My second husband is my best friend and if we were stuck in the house together, just us, I’d be content. It’s not the life I dreamed I’d have, but it’s the life that makes me smile.

Sometimes I hyper focus on my depression and anxiety; on what I lack instead of what I have. At 48, I’m working hard on focusing on what I do have, what makes me smile, what I care about. I colour my hair crazy colours as a mood booster. I stopped caring what people think of my hair and skin – heck, I’ve even gotten many tattoos (for me, that was huge!). Letting go of what others think of me has been one of the hardest things to let go of. Yes, I still have times when I go into a panic attack because I worry about how I’m perceived (I’ve often been misread in my life).

Right now, in this present moment, I’m content. Would like I my dreams to come true? Of course! We’ve all been hooked on those feelings; but I’ve learned to be ok with my life, with how I’ve lived it. That to me is the best feeling of all.

Blue Swede – Hooked on a Feeling

Not sure…

On By NB GwenIn The JourneyLeave a comment

“Dripping water hollows out stone, not through force but through persistence.” ― Ovid

What a great analogy to weight loss.

My mood has already started to get better. I’m still feeling burnt out, but I am far more positive than I was a week ago and I no longer feel on the verge of tears. This is good. I’m in a bit of a weird mood too…that’s good too.

I can’t wait to lose my first 10 lbs. Is that weird? I have a long way to go. I but on My Fitness Pal that my goal weight is 100 lbs (before anyone freaks, I’m only 5’1″ – barely). I would be happy if I could reach 130 – 120 lbs. BUT – and this is most important – I want to be healthier. The number on the scale will not matter if I don’t have pain reduction and increased energy. Those are my goals and the only way to do that is through healthy eating and increased exercise. I’m working on both of those.

I think my increased mood is also do to an awesome day yesterday. Both of my teens have ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia, and dyscalculia (for those unfamiliar with the terms – the last two are the writing and math versions of the learning disability). My teen son (13 years old) got an award yesterday for the most all around achievement and improvement out of ALL the grade 7s at his school!!! My daughter (15 years old) found out from her Science teacher that she passed – WOOT! AND my baby boy (almost 17 months) is FINALLY over 17 lbs! 17.1 lbs to be precise – this is huge as we have been struggling to get him to gain weight. He now gets to wait a whole month before having to be weighed again.

I can’t explain enough what a weight was lifted from my shoulders when I heard all of those things yesterday. Each one is huge for my kids individually. To be fair to my toddler – my hubby is only 5’7″, my parents are both short, my dad’s mom was only 4’10”. Needless to say I am pretty sure my toddler will not be a giant. I’m happy that the pediatrician and nutritionist have been monitoring him (he had a heart murmur and breathing issues at birth, but both have self-corrected), but it’s been very stressful.

Random thought of the day – I really want to dye my hair funky colours once I lose the weight. Also – some politicians really need to realize that not all their constituents are sheeple…not all agree with policy, in fact some believe that the church as zero space in the state’s business…that’s another story.

This song makes me smile whenever I hear it or watch the video –

Psy – Gangnam Style