Comfortably numb?

“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..” John Milton, Paradise Lost

The doctor has added another medication to my list – one for the anxiety. I think it’s working…or maybe it’s the lack of sleep making me so numb. I feel completely zoned out, sometimes so hyper focused I don’t hear what people say to me.

The pros of being on a ADD medication and an anxiety medication when you have MS is that I am now able to stay awake and focus. My anxiety today is – well – null. The con – I feel numb. Comfortably numb maybe? I don’t know. All  I know is that for the first time in months I don’t feel worried or scared or completely awful. I was awake at 3:30 am thanks to my tot and I am still functional at 2:35 pm.

This hasn’t happened to me in about 20 years. It’s an interesting sensation – functional, awake. I wonder if I only think I am numb because my mind isn’t racing a million miles an hour. Is this what normal feels like? It’s…interesting.

If I had to describe it or ascribe words to it, I would say I feel like an automaton (if one can know what that feels like), a manikin, something less than real. It’s very surreal to not have my mind racing. I like not having a panic attack (been having them almost daily), but I’m not sure how much I am enjoying the silence. It’s odd. Off-putting.

hmmm. I guess for now I’ll just have to be comfortably numb…

Pink Floyd – Comfortably Numb


“numbed brain a few seconds to process the information.” G.M. Ford, Threshold

My head is numb. My face is going numb. My arms are cold numbness. The numbness of exhaustion is taking hold. I need sleep. I can’t think. My emotions have been a rollercoaster that I want to get off of.

Apparently adult ADHD can emotionally cause a person to seem bipolar but not. The extremes aren’t as extreme, but there are there. My doctor believes my ADHD in combination with my MS is causing the extremes of emotions I have been exhibiting.

I want off the rollercoaster.

I want clarity.

I want the numb to go away.

I’m having a root canal in a little over a week…pain is my daily. Pain and numbness. Pain in my tooth, my jaw, my ankles…my body. Numbness everywhere else.

Someday I’ll be young again.

“Awakening of a Dream” Ambient Mix

Random Thought of the Day 2

Ever have your brain go numb? Mine does; it physically feels numb…how does that happen? I mean, I know I have mild MS but if my brain is numb, why isn’t anything else affected?

Mind you, today, I feel spiny…not sure how else to describe it. I’m totally exhausted (yay evil cough in the night), and numb, and loopy. Weird.

Weird Al – Foil – it’s that kind of day.