“If you remember me, then I don’t care if everyone else forgets.” ― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

30 years ago today, my best friend would answer my call and excitedly tell me about her new stockings her mom found to match her dress. She was prepared for junior prom, the dance at the end of 9th grade at that time. She told me how they were a perfect match for her black and purple dress.

Then, she told me she had to go. She was going to hang out with a different group that night but would call me when she got back for curfew.

She never called.

Six days later, they would find the body of Pamela ‘Pam Pam’ Gail Bischoff in the river.

We knew she wasn’t a runaway, even though they tried to tell us she was.

We knew she would never leave without telling us.

We knew it was going to be bad.

Pam would have loved Pink, or at least I would like to think so. I know the song below seems a strange one to pick for a memorial post, but trust me – Pam would have loved this song. She had the attitude, she had the spunk.

30 years later, I still remember the sound of her voice and her laugh, even when other memories have faded.

30 years later, I still wonder if she would have been auntie Pam to her friends’ kids, have kids of her own. She would be so proud of her sister and nieces.

30 years later, I still wonder why.

30 years later, it still feels like yesterday.

Yesterday, she talked me into hitchhiking (omg Pam lol).

Yesterday, she and I rolled old tobacco into a somewhat smokeable cigarette (I quit a long time ago now, Pam).

Yesterday, we drank a magnum of Hermits – never to do that again (I don’t even drink anymore, Pam)

Yesterday, we were staring up at your Poison poster over your bed, talking about which of the band was hottest (I still listen to them now and then, but not often as I think of you each time, Pam).

Yesterday, you were telling me about that guy who was so hot (I’ve been married twice now, Pam, number 2 is amazing).

Yesterday, I was able to hug you.

30 years feels like yesterday. You would have loved this song, Pam. You had that attitude and it made you larger than life.

Pink – U + Ur Hand