Let it Rain

“Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.” Bob Marley (Source: Goodreads).

“Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” Sherrilyn Kenyon, Acheron (Source: Goodreads).

It’s been raining all day. Ok, it’s been raining for a couple of days and it’s supposed to continue through tomorrow. It’s well needed as our province was under a no burn order (the woods were tinderboxes).

I love the rain. I love the smell of a Spring rain – the smell of clean earth, of new beginnings. Learning to dance in the rain, to feel it in all it’s glory takes time. One must weather many a storm to find that pristine moment in time that captures your heart, your mind and your spirit.

I say let it rain, let it pour down on me…I’m ready to dance.

Gene Kelly- Singing in the Rain (From Singing in the Rain)

Candlelight

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” – Edith Wharton (source: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/edithwhart100511.html?src=t_inspirational).

I want to be that candle. Now to get my body to agree with me. I’m trying to be upbeat. It’s not working. I’m having a bad day.

I joined our biggest loser thing here at my office. I lost a few pounds. I went to get weighed this morning and discovered I’d gained them back. I’m discouraged. I’m disgusted. I feel like crying. I’m in pain from my two walks yesterday. I feel like all I do is complain or make excuses. I’m also told I’m too hard on myself, but personally, I think I’m not hard enough.

I look in the mirror with disgust. Yes, I really do hate my body. I guess you could say I’m a thin, fit woman on the inside. That fit woman is begging to get out. She hates what she feels and doesn’t know – no – has forgotten how to attain her goals.

Baby steps. I need to remember that all good, positive change happens in baby steps. I do have health problems – I can’t just lunge into things and expect immediate change.

I’m the mirror watching the candle burn at both ends. I want to be the candle, breathing in the air around me, using it to fuel my transformation. Glow strong and bright.

The rain outside, though cleansing, isn’t helping my mood. The dampness has settled into my lungs and I am once again wheezing…and I can’t find my inhaler. *facepalm* Sometimes I wonder how I have made it this far. I won’t melt in the rain, sometimes I even love to dance in it, but I prefer to be shielded by an umbrella.

Rihanna – Umbrella:

Long time, no see

It’s been so long since I have posted here, I don’t even know where to begin. This year has been insane. My little guy isn’t growing properly and at almost 14 months is only about 15 lbs (no, that isn’t a typo). Our doctor is great and working hard to figure out why. Either way, he is a happy little dude who loves to play and loves to take you for walks (as long as he can hold your fingers).

Life has given me a lot of curve balls lately. My dad’s COPD is worse and he now requires oxygen. My older two kiddidlelets are looking forward to the end of the school year (they have a while to wait yet!) and hubby became a part time stay at home dad (he works part time now). I took on a new job which I love. But I’m exhausted. The shroud of MS fatigue hangs over me daily. As many parents know, you usually tend to be sleep deprived with a toddler, however, mine loves to sleep – on top of being tiny, he is iron deficient. Don’t worry, we’re giving him formula and pediasure supplemented with iron.

As I sat at my desk this morning; I listened to Loreena McKennitt and something about the feel of it all made me think of fresh Spring rain. That fresh smell that carries on a breeze. Then I wrote the first poem I have written in well over a year. It felt good.

Rain

Softly whispering

Wisp in dreams

Meandering breezes

So crisp, so clean

Dancing spirals

Prisms of light

Sparkling rivulets

Shimmering sight

Gentle cadence

Lazy mornings

Peaceful moments

Life worth living