“numbed brain a few seconds to process the information.” G.M. Ford, Threshold

My head is numb. My face is going numb. My arms are cold numbness. The numbness of exhaustion is taking hold. I need sleep. I can’t think. My emotions have been a rollercoaster that I want to get off of.

Apparently adult ADHD can emotionally cause a person to seem bipolar but not. The extremes aren’t as extreme, but there are there. My doctor believes my ADHD in combination with my MS is causing the extremes of emotions I have been exhibiting.

I want off the rollercoaster.

I want clarity.

I want the numb to go away.

I’m having a root canal in a little over a week…pain is my daily. Pain and numbness. Pain in my tooth, my jaw, my ankles…my body. Numbness everywhere else.

Someday I’ll be young again.

“Awakening of a Dream” Ambient Mix

A toothy matter

“A tooth is much more to be prized than a diamond.” – ― Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, Don Quixote

First, let me start off by saying I am feeling MUCH better this week mentally.

Backstory time – I am overweight. I am positive I have mentioned this before. I have not always been overweight. Before I had my first child I was pretty small. Then I ballooned, almost literally – I swelled with her, had high blood pressure. I was ‘eating for two’. *facepalm*. It took me two or three years but I managed to lose almost ALL of the weight. I felt fucking fantastic.

Then I got separated.

Then I went through custody issues, divorce, teens, increased asthma, allergies and that oh so great MS diagnosis.

Needless to say – I gained weight.

When some people get stressed – they lose weight. Oh, not me. When I get stressed, I eat. I eat, I eat, and did I mention that I eat? You get the picture. Throw into that mix a completely fubared metabolism thanks to stress, MS, etc., and you get me. A very low self-esteem, 41 year old mom would dreams of being fit again.

This all snowballed a few weeks ago into desperation. I went on the It Works website and scanned around for their miracle weight loss products. Try not to laugh too hard. Please. I purchased three items. One I had used before – their It Works Greens…which are actually really good. I then purchased the Ultimate Thermofit and Formula FF.

I won’t go into details as to whether they work or not, or anything like that. What I can tell you is this – I am allergic to dandelions. One of these products contains…you guessed it…dandelions. I thought nothing of that simple ingredient (and maybe it wasn’t it, but I doubt it). Within a mere week of use I went from emotionally being not too bad, to verging on suicidal.

I won’t lie. I’m on a lot of medications and I hate 90% of them. The day after I stopped taking these two products, I started to improve. On the advice of my chiropractor (who is amazeballs) I started taking probiotics and adrenal support (Adrena Sense is the one I’m using). I feel so much better.

I DO NOT blame the product. I KNEW I was allergic to dandelions (although, to be fair, I did not see the ingredients until it arrived). It was possibly just the one item that caused the issues. I didn’t play with them to find out.

We have a smart TV with Gaiam TV. I’m going to do what I planned initially and start my day with yoga and end it with yoga. We have a gym in my building. I am paying my membership fee TODAY and starting to go Monday (I would go tomorrow but I’m using my lunch hour to help a friend). I am going tonight to buy a butt-load of groceries – a project I’ve been planning for months. Meal plans in the works, I always have a green smoothie in the morning (it’s a habit I love). Now for more healthy options and moving, moving, moving.

I don’t care about being skinny, I DO care about being healthy. I want to keep up with my 19 month old. I want to get off some of my medications if I can. I want to LIVE.

Now – about that toothy matter…and another reason for the post – a cracked tooth.

For about a month and a bit I’ve had odd tooth ache/jaw ache and couldn’t pinpoint the source. I finally broke down and saw my dentist last week. He couldn’t figure it out, but thought he saw something on the x-ray, and referred me to the specialist (Endodontist).

I saw the endodontist yesterday. I’m still in pain. He checked where I thought the pain was, then checked my upper molars. I never felt more like clocking someone. He uses a Q-tip sprayed with nitrogen (VERY COLD) to test the areas of your teeth. Pain shot from my tooth up through my sinus and into my forehead and down to the lower jaw…where I thought the pain originated.

October 6th I get to go in for a root canal for my cracked tooth (2 of them are). I will have it banded.

yay me.

Pain, exhaustion, and allergic reactions – I feel like I’m in Oz…Lions and tigers and bears…OH MY!

The Temper Trap – Sweet Disposition