Strange Animal

“Humanity, I’m sure I do not have to tell Your Grace, is a strange animal.” Kady Cross, The Girl in the Steel Corset

I’ve noticed my last few post have a bit of a theme…people are strange.

We tell women to be strong, equal, take control of your life! BUT only if it doesn’t interfere with anyone else’s needs.

We tell me that they need to be more compassionate, allow their emotions to show, be softer, sweeter. BUT only if they are still full of machismo and testosterone to get that job done and support everyone.

We tell children to be strong, independent – GROW UP! BUT don’t walk beyond the sidewalk, don’t talk to strangers, don’t go out. Stay safe, stay bubble wrapped (metaphorically speaking).

We tell the old how much we care. BUT we leave them to rot and be abused in elder care. We’re too busy we say, too busy making money to keep the house to feed the children to keep the cars to keep up appearances.

We tell people of other cultures how accepting we are, how caring, how much we want to make a change in the world. BUT only if you aren’t gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, transgender, gender fluid, African, Asian, Indian, Native American, African American, Hindu, Muslim, Shiite, Jewish, – any faith other than Christian, any colour other than white, any language but English – shall I continue?

I’m fed up with people keeping up appearances.

Keeping up appearances
It’ll never do
to allow them to wander
what would you do?

keeping up appearances
make that lawn look great!
clip and clean
shine and glean
what would you do?

keeping up appearances
2 1/2 children
seen and not heard
perfect kitchen, perfect house
What would you do?

Keeping up appearances
keeping in line
follow the rules
don’t step on that lawn!
What would you do?

Keeping up appearances
Are you happy now?
Take that pill
put on a smile
what would you do?

keeping up appearances
make a grand farewell
a rotting corpse dressed to kill
tears flowing
memories rusted
appearances fall away
what did you do?

People are so strange.

Gowan – Strange Animal

Make It Bun Dem

I love this video. The song. I’m not sure why, but watching the teen bring rain and take out ‘the man’ is – hmmm – I think empowering is almost too strong a word, but it really makes me feel great, power speaking.

I need to create myself an empowerment music list. Something to help my motivation, keep my mood up, my anxiety down. Something to help me feel like the strong person I KNOW I have hiding inside me of.

Maybe it’s time to start listing them as I find them.


Skrillex & Damian “Jr. Gong” Marley – Make It Bun Dem

Silver Linings

“Stars can’t shine without darkness” D.H. Sidebottom, Fragile Truths (Source: Goodreads).

I love this quote. It’s the background on my tablet. What does that mean though? Well, for me – it basically means that without adversity, without problems, you won’t know how brilliant you are (metaphorically and intellectually speaking). If everything was light, you would never see yourself shine.

I’m hoping that’s my present truth. I feel like my silver linings are tarnishing. My shine is dimming. My health is dragging me down. I know I have it better than many. I keep telling myself that it’s useless to complain, even to myself. But I’m having a pity party today and I’m inviting everyone.

My ears are plugged, I’ve had dizzy spells while blowing my nose, I am 99.9% positive that my cold is now indeed a full blown infection (especially if the nose leavings are any proof). I have absolutely no energy and even sitting at my desk at work today is a testament of my strength.

There it is. I am strong. I am here, at work, sick as can be – but I am here. I am far stronger than I give myself credit for. I am far more capable than I believe. I may be physically fighting off some illness, but I am still strong.

That’s my silver lining for today. In my darkness, I see the star that I am, that I can be.

Loreena McKennitt – The Mystic’s Dream

On Willpower…

I have the willpower of a bee during pollen season. I want desperately to lose weight. I want to be active, I want to improve my health. I walked to Walmart on my lunch hour which was a great walk; about 20 minutes round trip. I went to purchase some breast pads (yes, I still breastfeed, no I don’t plan to stop until he is about 24 months, yes I love doing it because I couldn’t with my first and it keeps his weight up).

I was only supposed to buy that ONE thing. Damn you chocolate bars by the cash! Damn you insignificant willpower! I bought an Aero bar. It was so good. It was not worth it. My stomach has had horrible heartburn lately. I try to ignore it, but that’s just stupid.

I need to figure out a way to stifle my cravings, kick my ass into active gear, stem the fatigue, and make the brain fog dissipate. Any ideas? What makes you stick to what you need? At 41, I have still not figured it out. That makes me sad and discouraged.

What are my excuses? Why do I fall time and again into impulse buying for cravings? Where is my willpower?

I’m afraid that I am forever doomed to be fat. That’s what I am. I am fat. I used to be tiny. I used to be very active, very strong (a friend used to call me Xena). I want to train myself to be strong and flexible again. The number on the scale is NOT what matters – it’s my physical self that does.

Queen – Fat Bottom Girls: