Reality and Hope

I need some. I big dose of each. Reality is living the way I am. Hope is that things can (and will!) change.

“We Know what we are, but we know not what we may be.” – William Shakespeare

He’s right. Who am I to say (or ANYONE for that matter) that I will be like this till the end of my days? Who knows what I still may accomplish. I’m only 41! I, with luck and good habits, could live another 60 or 70 (or more) years. My maternal grandmother is 96 this year; my paternal grandmother was 93 when she died. My family is long lived, and I intend to be as well.

We have, by most people’s standards, one life. I hope to make the best of it, and make that my reality.

U2 – One; Anton Corbjin Version:

Unfocused

I have found the last few weeks incredible hard on my brain. I’m unfocused. I’m trying, trying very hard to maintain focus, but the numbness, fog, and stress don’t allow for it. Rose coloured lenses are not in my purse, only shades of grey.

I go for my immunotherapy injections today. I get two – one in each arm. It’s in an attempt to reduce my allergic reactions to things like dust, dust mites, leaves, grass, etc. This will in turn reduce my asthma, theoretically. I have yet to see it work. Instead of taking fewer medications, over the last five years I’ve had to take more. Anti-histamine, singulair, advair, ventolin (when needed, not often), nasonex, etc. I have a pharmacy in my cabinet and I’m only 41. If I don’t make changes now, what will my cabinet look like in 10 years? 20 years? What will it look like when I am my mother’s age?

Healthy habits have to start somewhere. Starting today (and I just decided this), I’m going to find myself an inspiration or uplifting quote or song. Something to make me feel good, to lift me out of my fog and depression (yes, I have a pill for that too :/), and encourage me to move.

Today is a new day in a series of new days. It is my future, my children’s future. It is the beginning of a challenge, one I issue to myself. Everyday I am to be more positive, more mindful, more caring and loving of myself. I have often had this said to me, “If you don’t take care of yourself, how do you expect to take care of your family.”

“I want the freedom to carve and chisel my own face, to staunch the bleeding with ashes, to fashion my own gods out of my entrails…”
Gloria E. Anzaldúa

I love this quote – I know, it’s not uplifting, but it makes me feel strong. It makes me want to be more than I am. Combined with the song below – this would be and WILL be a ROCKING day!

U2 – Beautiful Day: