Under Pressure

“Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood.” ― George Orwell, 1984

This whole summer has been a stress bomb of pressure. We’re still trying to sell our house, my older kids’ dad died on Canada day (we had divorced long ago), we lost one of our cats, my adopted son was officially diagnosed with FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder), my daughter graduated (YAY!) and has decided to join the Air Force.

I’ve been sick, struggling, working my ass off, renovating, cleaning, caring for everyone as much as I am physically able to.

Here’s one of my favourite pictures of my Indian Ringneck, Kira.


Not hard to tell she’s full of character…and she makes me so happy! Even throught all of the stress, ups and downs, and life – my pets are the best therapy ever.

Now – to find a house for us to move into! I had hoped we would be moved before the baby of our family starts school this year. Yes, I had one graduate (a year late, but she did it!) and one starting!!! I may be a bit insane…

Queen ft David Bowie – Under Pressure

Under Pressure

“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” – Bruce Lee

The last while I have been under a tremendous amount of pressure and stress. Physically, my head literally feels like it’s full of pressure – and I usually end up exhausted and with a migraine. Mentally, the anxiety attacks seem to be happening more.

I need to give myself a chance to breath.

My home life is stressful and I’ve been fighting for help. We’re finally getting it. I can breath a little.

My work life is stressful only in so far that I have not been functional enough in my opinion. I need to do more – my head is numb and full of pressure. I have a hard time thinking, concentrating, dealing with my task that are normally so simple to me.

My beautiful cat, Spice, somehow got out of our house on Monday – she’s so skittish and scared that no one can get near her and she will not enter the live trap we borrowed. My heart is breaking. She’s such a sweet tortie girl.

We’re trying to renovate our house and we are going on a whirlwind trip soon. Money money money – must be funny, in a rich person’s world…right? (thanks for that ear worm ABBA, I love it).

My expectations of self are higher than my physical reality. I need to remember that if I am not in health, I cannot care for my children. If I am not focused on being healthy, I will not be there for my children in the future.

So much pressure in my head and chest. I want to crawl into bed and sleep for a month…I have to work. I am the sole breadwinner for my family right now. No rest for the wicked (with MS), right?

Queen ft. David Bowie – Under Pressure

Under Pressure

“Nobody works better under pressure. They just work faster.” Brian Tracy

Tis the season to feel pressure(d)
Fa la la la la la la la la
Shop for now, pay for it later
Fa la la la la la la la la
Don we now our face for family
Fa la la la la la la la la
Wrap the presents, stuff the turkey
Fa la la la la la la la la

Hope the kids don’t peek this year
Fa la la la la la la la la
Please let the baby sleep in later
Fa la la la la la la la la
Tip toe around to make everything ready
Fa la la la la la la la la
Wake up early and watch the waste pile
Fa la la la la la la la la

See the smiles and feel contentment
Fa la la la la la la la la
Fill your heart with love, not resentment
Fa la la la la la la la la
It’s not about receiving, all about giving
Fa la la la la la la la la
Take your time, enjoy the holiday
Fa la la la la la la la la

I’m really excited about this Christmas, and not. I’ve had everything ready for weeks (save the wrapping). I’m even ahead on certain birthdays for next year.

The only part that is missing – my two older teens. They are at their dad’s this year until Boxing Day, so our Christmas day will happen when they come home. The youngest won’t know the difference – he’ll just have a blast tearing through paper and hiding in boxes (he LOVES playing with boxes). But my eldest was worried about missing out, so I reassured her that we are adults, we can wait a day for them to come home and have Christmas.

Please parents who are divorced – please remember that this holiday, that this time of year is NOT about the adults.

Please remember to make it about your children.

Please put aside your animosity for the other parent.

Please remember not to say negative things about the other parent (whether they are a good or bad person, doesn’t matter). Be positive – your kids will remember that.

Please remember that you are making a memory for your child/children.

Please remember that it is NOT a competition. It doesn’t matter if you spend $10 or $1,000. Your children just want to enjoy their time with you, have fun, and see everyone happy.

It sucks so bad having to trade off years. It sucks just as bad for the other parent. No one wants to miss watching their kids open presents first things Christmas morning (unless you don’t celebrate Christmas – but the same goes for any faith celebration – Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, etc. Children watch us, they see us react, they can read us like there is no tomorrow.

Please make sure they see you are happy for them.

Please don’t make them feel guilty for wanting to be with the other parent.

Please don’t belittle them for loving the other parent.

They did NOT choose who their parents are. Like it or not – that other parent is in their lives (and partially yours) forever.

Yes, there are exceptions – someone who is abusive, who has supervised visits, who has no visits – however, saying negative things to the kids or in front of them does not help  them, it only makes them feel worse.

Wow – I did not see this  post coming. Initially, I just wanted it to be a fun goofy post about the holidays…funny what comes out sometimes when I start to write. I never plan it, it just happens.

Queen ft. David Bowie – Under Pressure