Fly

“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

I have forgotten how to fly. I don’t doubt that I can; I have simply forgotten how. If you understand the difference, than you know exactly what I mean.

I’m so tired of being tired. This past week has been a whole world of nothing, followed by deep exhaustion and restless sleep. I’m not sure I can continue to blame the heat.

It’s funny – life, that is. Living in a fantasy world would be so much more freeing, wouldn’t it? A world where I can pretend everything is wonderful and all is shinny.

I can’t wait till I learn how to fly again and everything is wonderful…

Everclear – Wonderful

Letting go

“When you let go, you are truly free.” – Unknown

Last night I had an incredibly vivid dream about a poisonous person who was once in my life. I won’t go into great detail other than the person at the end was shown for who they were and I stood strong and proud and told them to get the fuck out of our lives.

You won’t see me swear often. That is quite literally what I told the person.

I honestly believe that the dream was my subconscious finally letting go of that person. The person has had a death grip on me. Fear, anxiety, self-doubt – all those types of emotions grew and nested within me while that person was a part of my life.

I can’t really explain it, but I feel better today. I feel as though I have had some kind of release. It’s wonderful. The downside of such vivid dreams is the after effects – I am exhausted. I have a feeling that today will be a long day due to this.

It’s ok. I can deal.

Christina Perri – Jar of Hearts (Favourite line, “You’re going to catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul.”)

Wonderful

It is beautiful outside. My van is FINALLY fixed and getting inspected today (we have yearly vehicle inspections here), I am going for a walk at lunch time, and things feel like they are looking up.

When people say things are wonderful, you can’t help but wonder if they really are, right? I tell people I’m fine all the time, whether I am or not. It gets to a point when you don’t want to bother them with your problems because it feels like you ALWAYS have a problem. I don’t want to burden people with my issues. Sometimes they spill over and I can’t help but say otherwise, but who always wants to be the downer of the group? No one.

I would love to tell people I am wonderful and mean it. No pain, no illness, no debt…no teen issues, no drama…everything is wonderful somehow.

Everclear – Wonderful: