“I can’t give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.” ― Herbert Bayard Swope
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am my own worse enemy. I struggle daily with food, with life, with health.
I struggle with being everything to everyone all the time.
I’m burnt out.
I can’t possibly keep up this pace and be of any use to anyone.
I need to make things better or things will fall apart.
I feel like a little rag doll. I’m stitched about the edges to hold in my stuffing, but if you shake me the wrong way, I’ll spill out and fall apart. My seams will rip out, my button eyes come loose. My stuffing will spill out and make a mess. I’ll have failed at being me, even though I didn’t know I could be me.
Right now, at this moment, I hate myself. I hate that I gave in to a horrid craving (it has actually made me feel sick). I hate that I haven’t been able to go to the gym in a week. I hate that I can’t be with my youngest who wanted me to stay home today with him. I hate that I haven’t taken all my kids to the beach yet this summer. I hate that I suck at money. I hate my body. I hate the fog that is permeating my brain. I hate my exhaustion. I hate my anxiety. I hate my stress. I hate everything about it and it boggles my mind that anyone should love me.
I got me. That’s a bad thing.
Pink – Don’t Let Me Get Me